Last Saturday Kim and Kieran were sitting on a bench in sunny Skegness enjoying their fish and chips. They were sharing their bench with Stella and Si but that was fine because you couldn’t catch coronavirus outdoors and anyway Stella and Si obviously didn’t have it because they weren’t coughing. Stella and Si knew that Kim and Kieran didn’t have it because they asked them as a joke if they did before joining them on the bench. In fact, the first thing they established after they all got chatting was that none of them knew anyone who had it. ‘Stands to reason, really,’ said Kieran, ‘since only a few thousand have, out of sixty-seven million.’ ‘Makes you wonder what all the fuss is about,’ agreed Stella. Kim blamed the media for blowing it all out of proportion. ‘Besides, it’s a shame to be cooped up on a day like this.’ Si agreed and pointed out that in any case only old people got coronavirus. ‘And those with Underlying Symptoms,’ added Keiran, knowledgably, ‘but me and Kim don’t have those.’
Si, keen to be aligned with the invulnerable, quickly told him that he and Stella didn’t have them either. Kim, between mouthfuls of deep-fried battered cod and chips slathered in mayo, said that it wouldn’t be as bad here as it was in other countries as the British were so much healthier. ‘And the NHS is the best health service in the world,’ she added with patriotic pride. Si thought back to his seven-hour wait in A&E for unexplained breathlessness, but chose to gloss over this crack in his invulnerability. Kieran likewise refrained from mentioning his recent six-month wait for a cardiovascular CT scan.
So they munched their fish and chips and marvelled at how crowded the beachfront was. Kim knew for a fact you could get rid of coronavirus with manuka honey and green tea gargles. They would take these to Keiran’s mum in her care home tomorrow. Stella said fancy that, she and Si were visiting his mum in her care home tomorrow too. They all chuckled at how much more than the bench they shared. ‘It’s lovely the way coronavirus is bringing people together,’ said Kim.
© C P Jenkinson 20/03/2020
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