The Corona Conga

Little Thickton Community Facebook Post, Monday 11^th May:

Congratulations, neighbours, on our fantastic VE Day 75 celebrations! WWII veterans everywhere will have felt honoured by the dignified and respectful way we commemorated their valour and sacrifice by laughing at how horrible spam is and doing the conga. And a special thanks goes to all those who decorated their front gardens with cardboard tanks, because glorifying the lethal machinery of warfare is of course the best way to celebrate the onset of peace.

After we clapped our precious NHS on Thursday, our doctors and nurses will have been gladdened to see that we rewarded ourselves the very next day by forming a long chain to dance through the streets while breathing all over the person in front. And I’m sure they won’t have begrudged the odd reveller who ended up blind drunk in A&E with brawling injuries and barbeque burns. After all, such little accidents are a welcome reminder of the happy days before lockdown!

To those spoilsports who insist that a neighbourhood conga does not constitute an essential reason to leave the house, I would point out that there was absolutely no risk, since VE Day would also have been a bank holiday for the virus! Moreover our marvellous MP Edward Plank has assured me that it is only the lack of a fourth podium at the Daily Briefings which has prevented Boris from displaying the government’s coronavirus advice in its entirety: ‘Stay Home. Protect the NHS. Save Lives. When you’re fed up with all that do the conga with Uncle Tom Cobley and All’.

In other exciting news, since our fabulous conga went viral we’ve been asked by a group of boffins from Cambridge University to be the focus of a study they are conducting on something called ‘Human Regressive Intelligence’. This will involve testing whether we can still walk upright, measuring how close our knuckles are to dragging along the ground, and then taking us to a stretch of primordial slime to see how quickly we crawl back into it. Volunteers please!

Keep calm and Conga on!

© C P Jenkinson 10/05/2020

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