The day the Black Lives Matter protesters dropped Edward Colston in the Avon, Charles felt a great burden lifted from his shoulders. At last he could once again feel proud to be a Tory. For a few weeks it had been touch and go; he had dutifully continued to share on his timeline all the updates from BackBoris and Guido Fawkes – the picture of poor Boris with his head in his hands; the revelation that the PM had not yet recovered from his brush with death and was deeply hurt by all the personal criticism – but privately Charles was a little disappointed. Sixty-three thousand dead people did seem a tad on the high side, even if – as Professor Sikora wrote in the Telegraph – most of them were going to die soon anyway.
But then those rampaging thugs tore down the statue of the man who had so generously funded the entire city of Bristol, and all was right with the world once more. There could be no excuse for such vandalism: they only needed to ask nicely, and the authorities would have explained to them very reasonably, once again, why the statue had to remain. Charles is by no means discouraged by learning of the Bristol councillor whose mascot is a 2-ft golliwog: golliwogs are just as much a part of Britain’s proud heritage as slave traders and should therefore be treasured.
Charles’s heart swells for the brave patriots who rush to defend the heroic Lord Baden-Powell in response to the Daily Mail’s stark warning that hordes of rioting communists are hell-bent on its desecration. That no hoards turn up is testament to the fearsome deterrence capability of two men in black shorts and woggles and a lady brandishing a placard declaring ‘British History Matters’. The irony of this slogan being taken up as a riposte to ‘Black Lives Matter’, and thereby inadvertently confirming the exact point being made by the latter, is entirely lost on Charles.
When Boris gives his rousing speech insisting that Churchill is up on a pedestal because he is a hero, but that all the other men up on pedestals are in such honoured positions only to teach us history, and that without them all up there Britain would have absolutely no history at all, Charles is thrilled to see his man back on form. He regards it as very unfair on Boris that among those prompted by these wise words to descend on London and defend her great memorials against the treasonous left-wing iconoclasts are a few silly football hooligans. But these were clearly provoked by the BLM rabble, who just went there looking for trouble. Charles sees no difference at all between multiracial gatherings of men, women and children protesting, overwhelmingly peacefully, to raise awareness of black social and economic disadvantage, and armies of white men necking lager, making Nazi salutes and pissing on memorials. Naturally there is a world of difference between the latter and himself, however, and that their aims should be identical is pure coincidence.
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