The Johnsiad

High on a gorgeous seat, that far out-shone

Justin’s gilt pulpit or Liz’s golden throne

Great Spaffer sat. The proud Parnassian sneer,

The conscious simper and the jealous leer

Mix on his look. His MPs round him sit

In bondage to their Antichrist of wit. 

—————————————————–

When all are gathered: here the dumb and dull,

There the dim and dire, the place now full

Of empty minds and waving union jacks;

A vast involuntary throng that lacks

A single brain, Great Spaffer now proclaims

The opening of his high heroic games.

—————————————————–

‘First the turn of my nonsense-eating voters,

My happy dunces, my idle Brexit gloaters.

Can you with your hoarse heroic basses

Match the eager braying of my backbench asses?’

Ten million gammons bawl in one loud din,

Ten million monkey-mimics; one mindless grin.

—————————————————–

Next editors and hacks: to Fleet-ditch away!

And dive beneath the sable blots, and play

Your game of dark dexterity, of groping well.

Who flings most filth and wide-pollutes will sell,

Will satisfy the magnate and the buyer:

Who sinks the deeper will rise the higher.

——————————————————

Now Spaffer stands by countless graves of covid dead,

His brain of feathers, and his heart of lead.

‘So which MP can show a manly clout?

And send his far-streaming salient spout

To water the memorials of these dispensable folk?’

How they laughed and joined in Spaffer’s joke.

——————————————————

Til drowned were Sense, and Shame, and Right.

And Madness, Vice and Wrong all spread their blight.

The wit of dunces, and the dunce of wits

Sends Honour to her cavern, Morality to a pit.

Bozo! Your dread empire, Chaos, makes Truth bleed;

Light dies before your soul-destroying greed.

Your hand, great Anarchy, lets the curtain fall,

And universal darkness buries all.

© C P Jenkinson 28/05/2021 (and quite a lot of Alexander Pope)

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